


The Girls (and Clint's) Night Out

by Moonrose91



Series: The Coffee of Life [9]
Category: Marvel (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Girls Night Out, M/M, Maybe I should have just called it 'The Drinks of Life Series', Sort-of, There will probably be no coffee in THIS either, oh well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-21
Updated: 2012-11-21
Packaged: 2017-11-19 06:22:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/570166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonrose91/pseuds/Moonrose91
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I understand that you all need time away from the guys, though technically you'd have to dump Darcy in the middle of nowhere to separate her from Jarvis and, really, I don't think that would happen <em>then</em> either, but why do you have to take <em>Clint</em>?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Girls (and Clint's) Night Out

Tony pouted as he watched Pepper get ready for Girls Night Out. She was ignoring him, mostly because he had been like this since this morning when he realized that yes, Clint was invited. "I understand that you all need time away from the guys, though technically you'd have to dump Darcy in the middle of nowhere to separate her from Jarvis and, really, I don't think that would happen _then_ either, but why do you have to take _Clint_?" Tony asked.

"Because he asked and Darcy asked and Jane said that if we didn't take him we'd end up regretting it. Jane seems to believe that it is because Darcy would be mopey otherwise. I think it is because Darcy doesn't want Jarvis handling the situation like he did last month," Pepper answered.

"What situation?" Tony questioned, immediatly getting defensive.

Pepper sighed a bit and gave Tony a  _look_. The look that said, 'Tony, I know you are fishing. Stop it.'

"If I told you that, you'd find out where we went for Girls Night Out. Besides, Darcy has extracted an Oath from Clint to never reveal our spot, but we are going to have to change it after anyway, as I am sure Clint will tell Phil, and in turn Phil will somehow manage to get the place filled with SHIELD agents on the next night we went out," Pepper stated as she slipped tightened a watch around her wrist.

"Why do you have to go anyway? I've been a very good boyfriend!" Tony protested.

Pepper gave him another look, one of her ones that Tony had yet to translate, and he pouted.

This was why Tony hated Girls Night Out.

It was all secrets and keeping things from him, because none of them used credit cards and it wasn't  _fair_. They weren’t _allowed_ to keep secrets from him and bribe Jarvis into not telling him. He sighed and Pepper leaned down, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Please don’t burn down the Tower while we’re gone,” she stated.

“I might now. Just for spite,” Tony muttered and she laughed.

“Tony, we hang out, just us girls, one night a month, because we sometimes just want to talk with the girls. We’re just including Clint because Darcy asked,” Pepper explained with a smile.

“And sometimes, we like to just be girls and do silly things,” she added.

She gave a slightly happier Tony another kiss, and walked out, heels clicking as she walked down, waving at the gathered trio of females. “Sorry. Tony was pouting,” she stated and Darcy just smiled and shrugged.

“S’kay. Clint is trying to get Phil to agree now,” Darcy stated.

Pepper raised an eyebrow and Natasha nodded. “The idiot tried to sneak out and use us as human shields. Apparently he did not, in fact, tell Phil that he was going out tonight. He’s now in the doghouse and is trying to at least get part way out before we leave,” Natasha filled in.

“They act like an old married couple,” Jane muttered and Darcy choked a bit while Natasha began to pound on her back.

“You okay Darcy?” Jane asked.

“Fine,” Darcy choked out and Natasha nodded.

“She didn’t need the imagery. Last time she laughed hysterically. I think it has to do with her mindset at the time,” Natasha explained while Darcy began to nod.

Pepper didn’t believe them for one second and decided she would try to extract it from them later, as Jane just nodded and wrapped an arm around Darcy’s shoulders. “Ah, Jane, time for your Ladies’ Night?” Thor questioned.

Jane grinned and walked over to him. “Yes it is. Thank you for being so understanding about it,” she responded.

“Lady Sif had similar outings with other females of the court. It is befitting for warriors of your statures to have one as well! I hear that the Eye of the Hawk is going with you!” Thor responded and Jane laughed before she nodded.

“Yep! We decided to bring Clint into our fold for a trial run!” Darcy responded cheerfully and Thor smiled before he reached out and pat her head lightly.

Darcy just beamed under the attention and Thor smiled. “I am sure you shall watch over him well,” Thor stated and paused to heft up Mljonir from where he had left it in the corner before he and Jane made out for a while (both Darcy and Natasha seemed to pay far more attention to that then they should have in Pepper’s opinion) in good bye. Thor smiled and then walked off. “Good hunting!” he called as Clint, followed closely by Phil, returned.

Phil didn’t pause, just walked straight up to Darcy. “Whatever he told you, it was a lie,” Darcy stated.

“The fact that that is your automatic response concerns me, but that’s not it. Please make sure he eats. I don’t want him so drunk you have to pour him back into bed, got it Miss Lewis?” Phil stated.

“What? No! She’s not in charge of me!” Clint stated, as Darcy chirped out, “Yes, sir, Captain Tight Pants!”

“Captain Tight Pants?” Jane questioned hesitantly, while Natasha nodded and Phil just gave her an unimpressed look.

Pepper wasn’t sure if she wanted to know.

“Captain Tight Pants. Have you _seen_ him in a dress uniform? It was a sight burned into my memory for many a happy hour,” she answered.

There was a whirr above and Darcy looked up. “Don’t worry sweetie. I still find you far sexier than any gay man with a sharp sense of dress,” she stated.

“I am not threatened by Agent Coulson, Darcy,” Jarvis retorted from the walls and she just nodded, before she placed her hands on Phil’s shoulders.

“Boss-man, I will insure that I don’t have to pour Clint into your bed. Again,” she stated.

“That’s all I ask. I don’t expect him to behave, or you to behave, but please don’t require me to bail you out,” he stated, not even having her release him.

She nodded sagely and answered, “We’ll keep out of jail.”

“What? No. That means no fun,” Clint retorted and was given twin glares from Jane and Pepper.

Natasha just smirked a little while Darcy kept her serious face on. “If he gets thrown into jail, again, we’ll bail him out,” she stated.

“Thank you. Enjoy your Girls Night Out,” Phil stated and Darcy dropped her hands, before she waved spastically.

“We will Boss Man! Okay, let’s go! Come on Clint!” Darcy answered, immediately latching onto Clint’s arm and dragging him out.

“Have fun Darcy,” Jarvis answered.

“I will big man! Love you!” Darcy called, blowing a kiss up at the camera before she continued to haul Clint into the elevator, followed closely by the rest of the group.

Tony watched them go and looked at the camera. “Jarvis, why do I suddenly have a bad feeling in my gut?” he asked.

“Sir, we go over this every Girls Night. You feel that way every time Miss Potts leaves without telling you where she goes,” Jarvis responded.

“You feel the same way don’t you?” Tony muttered.

“Always, sir,” Jarvis responded.

* * *

Darcy laughed over the loud music as Clint slid up next to her with the drinks. Jane was grinning and Pepper had relaxed while Natasha was slumped slightly over the table, eyes darting only periodically. Clint dropped his head slightly and asked, “You guys go to clubs?”

Darcy shrugged. “Sometimes. We also go to British/Irish/Scottish styled pubs. And one time a bar where Pepper downed a guy. It was beautiful,” Darcy responded right in his ear.

Clint grinned. “I believe it,” he responded and laughed when _Tequila_. Started playing.

“Tequila!” Darcy shouted and downed her drink.

“Does that have any tequila in it?” Jane asked.

“Nope! But it is fun to shout that and take shots of anything!” Darcy responded and Natasha laughed before making a lewd suggestion in Russian.

The fact Darcy responded with something _worse_ in Russian made Clint grin. “Tasha, have you been teaching Darcy how to say filthy things in Russian?” he asked.

“Always,” Natasha answered with a smirk and, on the next shout of tequila, she and Darcy both downed a shot of vodka instead.

“God, not again. We should be lucky they aren’t playing, ‘count the red shirts.’ To this day, I have no clue what the rules are for that,” Pepper responded as she drank more sedately.

“The rules of ‘count the red shirts’ is to drink every time some guy eyes ‘Tasha,” Darcy explained.

Clint snorted and Jane giggled. “Very red shirt,” Jane agreed.

“What’s ‘red shirt’?” Pepper asked.

“Oh, Pepper, honey, we really need to update your sci-fi intake,” Darcy stated and finished off her drink.

“My turn!” she called and everyone called out their orders before she got up, bouncing through the room with practiced ease.

Clint watched her go and was about to turn back when he saw a guy follow Darcy from behind. He stood up more and Pepper put a hand on his shoulder. “Down boy. Jarvis reacted and she got pissed. And Jarvis is…indisposed at the moment, so she couldn’t beat on him. You don’t have such protection,” Pepper warned.

Clint watched as Darcy popped up over the bar a bit, leaning on it, and pretending the other guy wasn’t there. He knew what she was ordering, but his eyes were on the guy who was now leaning on the bar next to her. He said something and Darcy eyed him, before she shook her head at the bartender. He nodded and did a ‘gunslinger’ move at her before he went off to make the drinks.

The guy next to her leaned on the bar and tried to talk to her. Darcy seemed to be rather calm and brushed him off, politely and Clint felt the others around him leaning forward. “Again? Does he not get the hint?” Jane grumbled.

“Most likely,” Natasha stated.

“Ten bucks says she knees him in the groin,” Pepper stated.

“I’ll take that. Only I got ten on her asking for water to splash him in the face,” Jane responded.

“Ten on Clint striding over there and making a scene,” Natasha explained.

“What?” Clint explained, eyes never looking away.

The girls grinned and flipped the bills into the center of the table and waited. They watched as Darcy ignored the guy and laughed at something the bartender said before she began to collect up the drinks, balancing them. The guy offered to carry them, but she ignored the aid to begin making her way through the crowd and back to their table.

“Clear!” Jane squealed and they returned the bills before Darcy returned.

“Clint, got your Sex on a Beach, Tasha, your Black Dragon, and Jane, your scotch on the rocks. Me, my Okay, Black Dragon. To Girls Night. Plus Clint on Trial!” Darcy shouted and they cheered before Darcy snapped back her shot.

Natasha laughed and Clint saluted before he took a drink. “So, who gets the next round?” he asked.

“You!” all the girls responded.

“Get Incredible Hulk shots!” Darcy squealed.

“We really need to stop mixing our alcohol,” Jane snorted out.

“You can. Tasha and I are gonna shoot back shots!” Darcy argued.

“I bought a bottle of vodka. It _will_ be gone by the end of the night,” Natasha responded and Jane giggled.

“Cut!” Pepper called and snatched the scotch away from Jane.

“She only likes the hard stuff, but she’s a lightweight. Thor would never forgive us if we got her sick drunk,” Darcy explained and Clint nodded.

They began to chat when more food made their way to their table. Darcy hugged the waiter, and it was only Natasha’s reassurance that it was Darcy’s usual manner that kept Clint from worrying about a drunk Darcy while Darcy began to ply Jane with water and food. “Eat Clint! If I have to pour you into bed, Phil will get vengeance. And I don’t want a vengeful Phil. _So_ not fun,” Darcy retorted and Clint saluted before he began to chomp down on the onion rings.

And then the guy from the bar returned.

“This the so called boyfriend?” he asked and Darcy huffed while Clint glared.

“Back off, okay? I’m taken, and I’m not interested. I am honest with my boyfriend, I don’t cheat, just like he doesn’t cheat on me. So back off, and go find some girl who will want sex in the bathroom, okay?” Darcy responded and turned away from him.

The guy snarled. “You bi-…”

Clint really didn’t remember starting the move to punch him.

So he was sort-of surprised when his fist connected with the guy’s jaw.

“Damn it Clint!” Darcy exclaimed.

“Jarvis would want me to,” Clint retorted.

Darcy groaned and hit her head on the table.

Why couldn’t Girls Night ever go right when they went to clubs?

**Author's Note:**

> I hate clubs.
> 
> Mostly because this happens to me a lot. I apparently attract a certain subset of men that are very irritating and don't take 'no' for an answer.
> 
> I do not have this problem in pubs, which I find interesting.


End file.
